Though it were but a few moments ago, a most phenomenal, unprecedented event has just transpired. I report. On today, Thursday, September 16th, in the year of our Lord, AD 2010, I, Benjamin Alan Middleton, consumed three (3) meals in a period of less than 24 hours. Mark it on your calendars, save it in your palm pilots, blackberries, iPhones, and other random devices. In 20-30 years, your kids will want to know where you were and what you were doing when this happened. And you can give them the inside scoop…

 

(Inside Scoop)

 

I awakened this morning with a strange thought. What if I ate? It was odd because I had the same thought yesterday morning. I even tried it, just to see if it was a worthwhile endeavor. I concluded it wasn’t because it had no apparent, measurable effect on my day. But, I figured I had nothing to lose, and the oatmeal in my pantry was just going to waste anyhow, so I ate before I went to work. Midway though the day, I had another strange thought….why not eat again? Now this was purely insane. Eating twice before a day was anywhere near over? Well, why not. Worth a try, yes? And off I went, apprehending a second meal. Just a short while ago I entered my abode and was startlingly hit by the same thought, for an unprecedented THIRD time! And I ate…again.

 

For those of you who do not believe me, I do have a witness, Calvin Chuang, who was not only present to observe all three periods of eating, but probably had something to do with putting the thought in my mind. BLASTED INCEPTION!

 

(The Worst Part)

 

Now I’m having these strange thoughts about going to sleep. I have no idea what to do with myself anymore. How does that work?